


heavy

by koalakiers



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Lydia Martin Loves Stiles Stilinski, Post-Break Up, Sad with a Happy Ending, Stiles Stilinski Loves Lydia Martin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:47:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25352686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koalakiers/pseuds/koalakiers
Summary: a few months after their breakup, lydia sits down to write a song and reminisce about her relationship with stiles in an attempt to finally let him go, but is that really what happens?
Relationships: Lydia Martin & Stiles Stilinski, Lydia Martin/Stiles Stilinski
Kudos: 10





	heavy

**Author's Note:**

> hi!!! i originally posted this as a rini one shot au on twitter but i decided to post it here as a stydia one shot. because it is an au, stiles and lydia are both songwriters. stiles' mom is also alive however, her and stiles have a strained relationship after she left stiles and his dad and moved away to chicago for a few months.  
> also, nothing is capitalized because i hate auto-caps so i am sorry if that bothers you.  
> inspired by the song heavy by orla gartland. 
> 
> regular font is the present, italics are flashbacks, and the bold is song lyrics.  
> okay i think that's all the notes i have.... happy reading :)

lydia lightly tapped her pen on her notebook that was sitting on the floor beside her as she bit her lip and lightly ran her fingers over the strings of her guitar sitting in her lap. she wanted to write a song, she knew deep down that she needed to, an inexplicable feeling of bursting at the seems that could only be quelled by creating soft melodies out of all her thoughts and feelings. but after an hour of trying, nothing came to mind. she could feel the fire burning deep down that told her she needed to let it all out but no matter how hard she tried it just wasn’t happening. she leaned her head back on her couch and blew out a frustrated breath, closing her songbook with the pen inside of it and moving the guitar off her lap.

she stood up and tip toed over to the sliding glass doors that lead out to her balcony. the sun was in the last stages of setting, the orange hues fading into a bluish-black color as the light disappeared. lydia could see a lot of beacon hills from her apartment and she found her eyes drifting across town to stiles’s apartment. even though it was too far away to be anything more than a blur in the distance, she felt like she could still pinpoint exactly which one was his. even after all their time apart, she still found herself wondering what he was doing, if he was watching a movie or writing a song, if he still thought about her like she thought about him. she leaned her cheek against the glass as she crossed her arms, looking out at the stars, she began to softly hum to herself. suddenly, her eyes widened and she rushed to her notebook, scrambling to open it and ripping the cap off her pen with her teeth as she rushed to get the lyrics out before she forgot them.

**Do you think about me at night?**

**When the sky is losing the light**

**I swear my head fills up with memories every time**

**Are you moving on with your life?**

**Did you find a job you like?**

**I always thought you could do anything**

_stiles sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair and stared at the computer screen in front of him. lydia came up behind him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and resting her head on top of his._

_“how’s it going?”  
“not great.” stiles sighed and ran his hands over his face. _

_lydia stood up and rubbed his shoulders for a moment before hugging him again. “you don’t have to get a job you don’t like just because your dad wants you to.”_

_“it’s not just that he wants me too though. graduation’s done, high school is over and it’s time to join the real world.” he said with a sad smile and lydia squeezed him a little tighter._

_“you should do what you want to do stiles.”_

_stiles closed the computer and held on to lydia’s hands as he spun around in the chair to face her. “you know what i want to do?”_

_“hmm?” lydia let go of one of his hands and reached down to run her fingers through his hair as he looked up at her._

_“i want to travel the world with you. and write songs. and perform them to these big crowds.”_

_“massive ones.” lydia interrupted and he nodded his head with a light laugh. “absolutely massive crowds. just me and you up on that stage together. then after a few years we get a big house somewhere and settle down to start our family.”_

_lydia’s lips curled up into a smile. “so let’s do it.” she said as if it was the simplest thing in the world._

_stiles sighed and shook his head. “i wish baby but this is the real world and it just doesn’t work like that. i have to get a real job.”_

_“you don’t have to just because your dad wants you to stiles. you can do anything.”_

_stiles gave her a sad smiled and lifted her hand to kiss her knuckles. “i wish i could believe in myself like you believe in me.”_

**And I've been running over all the things that I will never say to you**

**Like how I just wanna hang with you**

**And watch Grand Designs**

_lydia laughed as stiles rushed back from the kitchen as the commercial ended. his socks slid on the hard wood floor and he nearly dropped the bowl of popcorn as he caught himself on the back of the couch. lydia laughed even harder and grabbed the bowl from him. he hopped over the back of the couch despite knowing lydia hated when he did that. she tried to glare at him but he quickly leaned over and pecked her lips. she rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out at him before popping a few pieces of popcorn in her mouth._

_“i can’t believe we could be doing literally anything else on a friday night but you want to stay home and watch grand designs.” lydia teased him and he put his hand on his chest and gasped in mock offense._

_“i can’t believe you’d diss such an amazing show.” he teased back and lydia attempted to throw a few pieces of popcorn at his head but even though they were only a foot apart, they all missed._

_“it’s a home design show from the 90s stiles. how good can it be?”_

_“stop being mean!” he faked offense and threw the popcorn back at her. she quickly opened her mouth, trying to catch the pieces but they missed and got caught in the hair framing her face. they both giggled wildly for a few moments before lydia scooted closer to stiles and he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. she leaned her head on his shoulder and he kissed her hair as they turned their attention back to the screen. halfway through the episode stiles yawned and stretched his arms out over his head. he moved to grab the remote, thinking lydia was asleep but she reached out and grabbed his wrist to stop him._

_“what are you doing?”_

_“turning off the tv so we can sleep.”_

_“but the episode isn’t over.” stiles and lydia both leaned back to look at each other before laughing._

_“uhh huh. see i knew you liked it too!” stiles teased and lydia nestled her head back into the crook of his shoulder, wrapping her arms around his waist. “let’s finish this episode then we can sleep.”_

_stiles wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her tighter. “sounds like a plan princess.”_

**I've been trying to train my mind to put you in another category**

**But it's still not coming naturally**

**After all this time**

**So tell me**

**Why this has to be**

**So heavy**

**Tell me**

**Why this has to be**

lydia sighed as she felt a tear roll slowly down her cheek. she moved her guitar from her lap and brought her knees up to her chest, hugging them tightly and resting her forehead on top of them. she let the tears flow freely as more memories of her and stiles played on a loop inside her head. she felt like a weight was settling in around her, like she couldn’t escape all the memories and she was suffocating on all of them.

it was just all too heavy.

but the more she allowed herself to feel, the more she let the memories come freely instead of shoving them down like she had been for months, the lighter she felt. little by little she felt herself finally letting him go and the thought terrified her. she didn’t know if she was ready, if she ever would be. she had spent months not thinking about him, forcing herself to forget, thinking that over time it’d get easier and come naturally. but sitting there on her living room floor she realized she had been handling it all wrong. she had to let herself feel, she had to let it all out. so she did. she let the lyrics flow out of her, let all the memories take over, let herself finally feel all that she needed to feel in order to move past all the heaviness she felt.

**'Cause I really thought that we'd be cool**

**Some exception to the rule**

**But honestly**

**I think it has to be this heavy**

_lydia lightly dragged her fingers over stiles’s bare chest, mindlessly tracing shapes and patterns as stiles ran his fingers through her hair. suddenly lydia was blinking back tears, desperately trying to not let them escape. stiles sense something was wrong but he knew lydia would open up when she was ready so he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer. when he felt something wet fall onto his chest, he look down to see lydia wiping her cheeks and he realized she had started crying._

_“baby, hey, what’s wrong?”_

_she looked up, resting her chin on his chest as he rubbed her back._

_“i’m just scared.”_

_stiles furrowed his brows. “scared of what?”_

_“we graduate in a few weeks. then what happens? where do we go from there?”_

_“well you’re going to college and-“ he began but lydia cut him off. “no i mean like us, me and you, stiles. what happens to our relationship?”_

_“where is this coming from?”_

_“i don’t know i just,” she sighed and sat up, pulling the sheet up against her chest and hugging it to herself tightly, “i feel we haven’t talked at all about what happens to us after high school is over. we’ve just been avoiding it and acting like everything is fine but what if it’s not stiles?”_

_stiles sat up as well so he was leaning his back against the headboard, him and lydia facing each other as they talked._

_“why does anything have to happen? who says it’s not fine lyd?”_

_lydia sighed again and ran her fingers through her hair with one hand._

_“i love you stiles. you know that. but real life is scary and who knows what will happen. what if we get pulled apart? or what if it’s just too hard? what if we break up?”_

_“whoa, whoa, whoa. hey, who said anything about breaking up?”_

_“that’s just what happens stiles. it’s like some unspoken rule that couples rarely ever stay together after high school.”_

_stiles took one of her hands in his own and lightly laced their fingers together._

_“you wanna know what i know?”_

_lydia hummed in agreement and stiles pulled her onto his lap, causing her to straddle him as he ran his hands over her thighs. “we’re the exception. me and you will make it to the end of time. i don’t care about some stupid high school break up statistic or what everyone else believe because i know us. and i know that i love you more than anything in this world and i know we will always fight for each other.”_

_“promise?”_

_“i promise baby. you’re stuck we me.”_

_lydia smiled and leaned forward, connecting their lips._

**I wish your mom and I could be friends**

**I think about her now and then**

**How we drove up to her house**

**I'll never see that dog again**

_it was a long and tough road but after months, stiles finally started talking to his mom again after she left him and his dad. it took him a while to see but in the end he realized it was for the best. claudia decided to move back to beacon hills from chicago, not wanting to be separated from stiles during his senior year. it took a while, but lydia had finally convinced him to do weekly dinners at claudia’s house, on the one condition that she come of course. so once again lydia found herself in the passenger seat of stiles’s jeep, his hand on her thigh as they pulled up at his mom’s house. stiles got out first, coming around lydia’s side to open the door for her. his mom stood on the porch, her dog sitting beside her but as soon as lydia stepped out of the car it came bouncing down the steps to meet her. lydia instantly squatted down, rubbing the dog behinds it’s ears as it spun in circles in excitement and tried to lick her face. stiles joined his mom on the porch, giving her a quick hug before standing to watch lydia play with the dog for a few more moments before joining them._

_later that night, lydia and claudia were talking and laughing as they washed the dishes. stiles was in the dining room attempting to clean up the table but he kept getting distracted watching them. though he’d never admit it since their relationship was still somewhat strained, he loved that lydia and his mom got along so well and it was really important to him._

_“he did not!” claudia looked over at stiles, her jaw dropped as he walked back into the kitchen and began putting away the dishes lydia had dried._

_“oh he definitely did! he tried to play it off all cool but everyone saw.”_

_“what are you talking about?” stiles asked, wrapping is arms around lydia’s waist in a tight hug for a moment. he loosened his arms and lydia turned her head to look at him._

_“i was just telling her about that party we went to a few months before graduation where you fell down the stairs.”_

_claudia tried to muffle her laugh behind her hand but it didn’t work. stiles rolled his eyes and let go of lydia._

_“i did not fall down the stairs! i merely decided to sit down and slide down them.” he shrugged his shoulders and lydia shook her head, turning to claudia._

_“he was drunk and missed the step, fell on his butt, and scooted down the stairs.”_

_“babe stop exposing me!”_

_stiles found himself wishing for more moments like this, standing in his mom’s kitchen, laughing wildly with two of the most important women in his life._

**Guess I needed a minute**

**To live a life without you in it**

**But you're in every stripey t-shirt that I own**

_“i look like a candy cane.” stiles complained as he tried on the red and white striped shirt._

_lydia sat on the small chair in the dressing room and laughed at him._

_“lyd all of the shirts you picked out are stripes!” he groaned and she feigned mock offense._

_“you said i could pick out any outfits i wanted and you had to get them.”_

_“but... stripes.”_

_“i happen to think you look very cute in stripes.”_

_stiles rolled his eyes and looked over at lydia. “i think i look like a candy cane.”_

_“okay how about this,” lydia began as she grabbed one of the shirts she picked out for stiles and held it up against her chest, “i’ll buy one too and we can both be candy canes.”_

_stiles laughed but agreed anyways. lydia triumphantly fist pumped the air before ripping the tag off of stiles’s shirt. “hey!”_

_“oh shush i’m going to check out and bringing it with me. i just really wanted you to wear that one today.”_

_stiles sighed and hung his head in defeat as he followed lydia to the check out counter._

_——_

_later that night, stiles was sitting on the couch in their shared apartment reading a book while lydia showered. lydia wandered out of the shower, looking through her drawers before deciding she didn’t like any of the pajamas she had. she glanced over, seeing the striped shirt stiles had been wearing laying on the top of his hamper. she quickly grabbed it and slipped it on before venturing out into the living room._

_stiles glanced up from his book when he heard her footsteps, quickly tossing it to the side and moving to sit up when he saw her._

_“you know, i’ve decided i love stripes.” he announced as lydia came to stand in front of him. he ran his hands up her legs, toying with the bottom of the shirt before resting his hands on her hips. she looked down at him, gently running her fingers through his curls._

_“oh yeah?”_

_stiles bit his lip as he lightly pulled on her hips causing lydia to straddle his lap._

_“mhmm. in fact, i think i adore them.” stiles whispered before connecting their lips._

**Oh I've been running over all the things that I will never say to you**

**Like how I just wanna sing with you**

**As we're walking home**

_stiles and lydia both waved goodbye to their friends as they stumbled out of the bar. they had decided to walk home since they couldn’t drive after drinking. lydia wanted to take a cab but stiles had insisted that their apartment was only a block away and they could easily walkit but now he was doubting his decision. lydia laughed loudly as he tripped on the uneven sidewalk and nearly fell._

_“you sure we shouldn’t take a cab?”_

_“that sidewalk clearly attacked me! we’re nearly there anyways.”_

_lydia laughed loudly as she looked back at the bar only a few yards behind them. “stiles we’ve barely even left! we’re not nearly there!”_

_stiles ignored her and slung his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer and kissing the side of her head._

_“sing with me!”_

_“what?”_

_“it seems like less of a walk if we distract ourselves. so sing with me!”_

_stiles began softly singing ‘shake it off’ by taylor swift. lydia rolled her eyes and lightly shoved his shoulder. “you’re an idiot.”_

_stiles stopped in front of her, spreading his arms out wide and taking a deep breath before yelling, “but i keep cruising! can’t stop won’t stop moving! it’s like i got this music in my mind saying it’s gonna be alright!”_

_lydia tried shushing him but he merely clapped his hands the beat and continued as he tried to skip down the sidewalk._

_“okay! okay! i will singing with you if you stop yelling oh my god!” lydia caught up to him and placed her hand over his mouth just as he finished the chorus._

_stiles nodded his head and continued to sing but much quieter this time. he pointed at lydia, “take it away!”_

_she rolled her eyes and shook her head but sang the next few lines anyway. “i’m dancing on my own!”_

_stiles cupped his hands around his mouth to sing the background vocals. “dancing on my own!”_

_“make the moves up as i go!”_

_“moves up as i go!”_

_“and that’s what they don’t know! mmm mmm, that’s what they don’t know!” they sang in unison as they horribly danced down the street. they both continued singing, getting louder as they went until they were practically screaming the words as they stumbled towards their apartment._

_“and to the fella over there with the hella good hair,” lydia began as she ruffled stiles’s curls, “won’t you come on over, baby, we can shake, shake, shake.” she held on to his hands, shaking her shoulders back and forth with each word as stiles laughed and danced along with her._

_by the time they got to their apartment and stumbled up the stairs they were both breathless and laughing wildly. stiles held his finger to lydia’s lips, trying to shush her as he fumbled with the keys. lydia laughed even louder and soon they were both giggling and shushing each other._

**And I've been kissing different faces just to make it a reality**

**I did it for the therapy**

**But I felt alone**

_lydia sighed as she stirred her straw around in her drink. she sat on the edge of her hair, her elbows resting on the bar top as she leaned her cheek against her hand. she watched the ice spinning in circles, the music a dull roar in the background. suddenly her head shot up as his laugh filled her ears. she found herself hating how easily recognizable it was to her, even over the loud music and voices that filled the bar. despite her better judgement, she turned around in her chair, her eyes roaming around the room in search of him. when she finally found him she felt like she had been hit in the chest, all her breath was knocked out of her as she sat and watched him._

_stiles was smiling, his hands gripping a random girl’s hips as she pressed herself against him, moving to the music. lydia watched as he leaned down and said something to the girl, her smile grew and she reached her hand up behind her to run her fingers through his hair as he dipped his head down and pressed his lips to her exposed shoulder._

_lydia quickly turned around, suddenly feeling sick. it had only been a few weeks since they broke up and there he was, laughing and dancing with another girl. she took a few deep breaths and turned around again, immediately wishing she didn’t when she locked eyes with stiles. his face softened and he froze as if he was upset. lydia scoffed to herself, wondering what he possibly had to be upset about considering he was the one moving on so fast. she grabbed her drink, quickly throwing it back before walking towards the dance floor. she stopped a few feet away from stiles, deciding that if he got to move on, so should she._

_she grabbed the first guy she saw and he easily complied to dancing with her. after a few minutes, she found herself actually letting loose and enjoying herself. then she looked over her shoulder once more and saw stiles watching her, the girl he was dancing with before completely gone. the fact that he looked genuinely upset only angered her more so she did the first thing she could think of._

_she turned and placed her hand on the back of the guys neck, standing up on her toes as he leaned down and their lips met. he was forceful and quick and she found herself missing the gentle, slow motion of stiles’s lips on her own._

_when she pulled away, she quickly looked behind her to see stiles slamming his drink on to the table and quickly walking out of the bar. lydia thought she would feel better, kissing a random guy just to get back at him, but as she watched him leave she found herself feeling even worse than before._

**So tell me**

**Why this has to be**

**So heavy**

lydia filled out the last verse in her song book with a heavy sigh. she sat the book aside and began strumming her guitar, running through the whole song a few times and fixing mistakes here and there as went. she finally felt herself let a genuine smile take over her face when she finally got it right. she was proud of it, proud of herself. lydia reached for the phone and dialed the number she could never forget, the same one she dialed over and over for years. she wasn’t even sure why. maybe because she finished a new song and a part of her wanted to tell him about it like she always had before. maybe it was because a part of her wondered if he felt the same as her, lost and confused, like a piece of herself had gone missing the second they said goodbye.

regardless, it was too late to turn back.

after three rings he picked up and they were both silent for a moment.

“hi.” she whispered, biting her lip.

“hey.” he sounded breathless and she found herself fighting back a smile.

she wasn’t sure what she was going to say. if this was a final goodbye or a new hello. but all she knew was that even after everything, she needed to hear his voice.


End file.
